A Moment Of Honesty

Posted: February 11, 2016 by Adam Scott in Rants/Venting, Writing
Tags: , ,

Today has not been an easy day for me.  I spent the large majority of the day trying to help someone.  Someone that I care about.  I have, for the better part of a year done everything I could to help this person.  This includes financially, physically, I even put myself in possible legal trouble just to help this person.

So all of that being said, I spent most of the day helping this person, only to get railroaded and blamed for something I didn’t do.

af8263e4cdf77e4df36a9c371022aa21I’m tired of passive aggressive people, who take their own insecurities and problems out on others.

In the last week I have had to deal with this from my family, my friends, and a cowardly boss who continues to blame all his life’s problems on other people.

When I deal with passive aggressive people like this I have one of two reactions…

  1. Let my anger out, and blow up.
  2. Take off, and never let those people into my life again.

Neither solution is very healthy, but I have been dealing with this kind of drama most of my life.  My family is filled with negative, violent, passive aggressive jerks who would rather scream and yell at others, rather then see the problem within themselves.

Who knows maybe I am not much different, because try as I might I am still surrounded by drama, coming in from all sides, from people who take and take and take without ever giving anything back!

I am just worn out, and tired of helping people who really don’t care.

*end of rant*

They buried me alive 23 years ago, hoping it would be enough to kill me.

It wasn’t, and now I’m back!

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ME

In my defense I have been sick for going on a week, and whatever this is, it’s been zapping my strength & motivation.

Yesterday afternoon I felt like I had been hit by a freight truck.  It seemed every ounce of energy I had had been sucked out of me, and all I wanted to do was sleep.  But alas, I couldn’t.  I had to go to work.

Throughout my entire shift I dreamed of my bed, and how comfortable it was going to feel to just collapse into it, and drift off into dream land.  That very thought is what motivated me throughout my entire shift to just keep going.

Imagine my disappointment when I arrived home, exhausted, tired, worn out, and couldn’t fall asleep.

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I tossed and turned for hours, and finally drifted off to a shallow sleep sometime around 4AM.

Sleep, for me, has always been a tricky thing.  Growing up I could never get enough of it, and anyone who knows me will assure you that I am NOT a morning person.  Trust me! You have better luck waking up a 3 day old corpse than you do getting me out of bed in the morning.

But as an adult, especially the last 5 years or so, sleep has eluded me.  Night comes, and my brain starts to think too much.

Sometimes I will just lay in bed, reading, or watching a show on Netflix.  Other times I will just stare at the ceiling.

Now I will say that some of this is my own fault.  I sleep much better when I am meditating regularly. The last month or so I have been very spotty on my meditation practice.

Today I am going to make it a point to mediate twice, and I am hoping that I will be able to sleep soundly tonight.

Anyways that really is all I have for now.  So till next time, be safe, and try not to do anything I would do ;)

With that, she walked into the rain and didn’t look back.

That was the last time anyone ever saw her.

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Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing to do. But to hold it together when everyone else expects you to fall apart and break, that is true strength.

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I’m Sick

Posted: February 6, 2016 by Adam Scott in Uncategorized

So it’s been a long, and crazy week.  To be honest I have not had much to share, because Wednesday I fell ill with some kind of crazy flu.  Since Wednesday I have spent the majority of my time in bed, doped up on NightQuill.

Today I am feel marginally better, but only marginally.

I am hoping that I will be back to 100% by the weekends end, because frankly I can’t afford to be sick anymore then that.

So wish me luck.

If you missed Chapter One you can read it HERE

The figure jumped only slightly at the sound of my voice.  As my eyes adjusted I could see slightly better.  The women in front of me had her back to me, and she was staring out my bedroom window.  Or at least what had once been my bedroom window.  She was wearing a white dressed decorated in some sort of flower arrangement, but the dress itself was tattered, torn, and very dirty.

In her right hand she held something.  I had to concentrate, squinting into the darkness to just make out the shape of my old teddy bear that my mother had given to me as a child.  It too look ravaged by the passing of time.

“Who are you, and what are you doing in my house?” I said trying to emote a tone far braver then I was actually feeling.

At the sound of my words the women in front of me stopped swaying back and forth.  Her back started to straighten, and I could hear her making sniffing noises.  Short and crisp at first, and then long inhalations, like someone enjoying the scent of a tasty meal.

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The air seemed to grow cold, and suddenly every instinct inside me started to scream with alarm.  This was not my mother, and whoever or rather whatever it was, did not have supernatural-storygood intentions.

I tried to move my feet, but much to my extreme embarrassment, I found myself rooted to the floor in an overwhelming wash of terror.  I couldn’t move, and what was worse is I couldn’t take my eyes off the women standing in front of me.

This is a dream! I told myself. It has to be a dream!  Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

But I didn’t.  I just stood there, glued to the spot, as I watched the women’s head pivot 180 degrees, and stare at me through crystalline purple eyes.